Summary: It’s the legend-making tale of a crazy Halloween costume party, as told by the friends of Ichigo and Orihime.

Pairings: IchiHime, (hints of) RenRuki, HitsuHina, and ShinHiyo

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

People in Attendance: Making this list because not all of the will be mentioned. Renji, Rukia, Shinji, Hiyori, Rangiku, Nanao, Shunsui, Hinamori, Hitsugaya, Keigo, Mizuiro, Chizuru, Chad, Yuzu, Karin, Hanatarou, Kira, Shuuhei, and other people I’m not thinking of right now. It’s mostly the younger people in Bleach, if that helps. XD (Btw, I’ll put up the costumes I was thinking of for quite a few of the people in a thread shortly on FLOL.)

Notes: Written for Lady Orihime’s Second Annual Ichigo and Orihime Halloween Contest at FLOL (Five Lifetimes One Love), with some vague ideas pilfered from fly and imamess on BA (Bleach Asylum). Thanks for (unknowingly) helping me, ladies. XD

Thank you DarkPulsar, for being a jewel like always! Very Happy




Small Towns


In most horror movies and monster movies, the setting for such events always takes place in the underground of a large city, a government facility, a deserted island, or a small town out in the middle of nowhere. While Karakura wasn’t exactly in the middle of nowhere, or government controlled, or under anything, it did qualify as a “small town,” thus, anything bad that happened was explained away by the townspeople as freak occurrences that happen because they lived in a small town.

So many crazy events had taken place in Karakura. Friends and enemies and enemies who became friends were made, love blossomed, wars and battles were fought and won, Good triumphed over Evil. But it isn’t just the big, life-altering events that always take place in small towns—it’s the little things the inhabitants will be talking about for generations to come until the story has been stretched and twisted beyond its limits into becoming a well-known local legend. Of course, middle and high school children begin most local legends.

This one was no exception.

Oh, how the children would be talking about this one for years to come…


Kurosaki Isshin eyed the group of teens and adults with an amused expression. They were of all shapes and sizes, not to mention a variety of costumes, and they were all crammed in his little living room. All of the couples had matching costumes—like Renji’s football uniform and Rukia’s referee outfit. Some were sitting on his couch and other objects; some were standing. And most of them had guilty expressions on their faces, no doubt because of what was upstairs.

Currently, two teenagers (his own son, Ichigo, and a lovely, lush young lady he knew as Inoue Orihime) were passed out cold on his son’s bed. He would have suggested they move the girl to one of his daughter’s rooms, but the prospect of his son waking up and freaking out because there was a beautiful girl right next to him was just too damn funny for Isshin not to consider. So he left the girl on the bed, snuggled close to his son and tucked under his chin protectively. He may be an old fogey by his children’s standers, but he could tell by the way his son instinctively folded his body around the young lady’s as soon as they’d been set down that Orihime was his son’s version of his own dearly departed Masaki—the one girl he’d give absolutely anything in the world for, and do absolutely everything in his power to make her happy.

“Alright,” Isshin finally said. “Who’s going to start from the beginning and tell me what happened?”

Four girls raised their hands. Kuchiki Rukia, Arisawa Tatsuki, Honsho Chizuru, and Hinamori Momo.

“You see, Uncle,” Rukia began, “it all started a couple of weeks ago when Inoue decided to have a Halloween party at her apartment.”

“She was really excited to be hosting a party—” Tatsuki said.

And was interrupted by Chizuru’s, “and since the prospect of seeing Orihime in a sexy little bunny or nurse outfit was too fabulous not to happen, I suggested we make this a costume party!”

Tatsuki rolled her eyes and continued, “She wanted to have a party at her place, so we decided to help her make some invitational cards.”

“Ah! Orihime’s so adorably crafty, it was the perfect job for her!” Chizuru gushed. “The way her boobs squish together when she’s holding something in her hands makes me wanna—”

Tatsuki smacked Chizuru upside the head while Rukia hastily said, “After helping Inoue make them, we passed them around to our friends at school and in Soul Society.”

“Is that were you come in?” Isshin asked Momo.

She nodded.

“Yes. I asked a few old friends in the district I come from if they would like to cater for a special party because their food is excellent. They were delighted to help, and I when I came back to tell Inoue-san and everybody, they were heading out to go shopping for costumes.”

“We dragged her along with us,” Matsumoto Rangiku chimed in, “and went a few stores, but they were selling crap so Tatsuki-chan suggested we go back to her place and just order costumes online.”

“You should have seen some of the scandalous costumes they had!” Ise Nanao huffed from a corner, her drunken captain’s head resting peacefully (with a perverted smirk) on her lap.

“When did you show up?” Isshin asked, very confused.

“I dragged Nanao along per her Shunsui’s suggestion.” Rangiku said with a grin. “Her too,” she pointed at Sarugaki Hiyori, “when we saw her near a food kiosk.”

“I have a name,” Hiyori said dryly. “And I didn’t really want to go, but the crazy blonde woman threatened to give chase if I tried to run.”

“We picked out our costumes and ordered some for the boys too, ‘cept for Ishida-kun, who we knew would want to make his own.”

“How did you know our sizes?” Renji cut in, eyebrow raised. “And why did you decide to get us all complimenting outfits?”

The girls looked at one another for a moment.


The girls were gathered around Tatsuki’s computer with drinks and snacks.

“What do you think Renji would look good in?” Rukia asked. “All of these male costumes are ridiculous. I do not want to see him in any of these.” She cringed at a particularly horrific “male escort” costume. “Ever.”

“What about a football uniform?” Tatsuki suggested. “He seems to really like the sport.”

“Hmm, that might work. He has been fairly obsessed with the Japanese team lately.”

Tatsuki typed in a reference on Google and clicked on the images.

“You could be his referee,” she said with a smirk.

A slow smile crept across the Shinigami’s face.


“I agree with Rukia. These outfits suck,” Rangiku said with an annoyed frown. “I say we all get our own outfits then pick out something complimentary for them. It’ll be easier for everyone that way.”

“What about them?” Momo asked. “What if they already know what they want to be?”

“Men never know what they want, they only think they know what they want, while we women always know best,” the blonde assured.

“But…I want to be Princess Serenity, from this manga series I saw called Sailor Moon. I don’t think Toshirou-kun would want to dress up like a prince…”

Rangiku spit out her drink in a burst of laughter.

“Oh no, that would be the perfect costume for him! We’re getting it.”

“Er, if you insist.”

“What do you want to be, Orihime?” Tatsuki said as she glanced at her friend.

Orihime, who had clearly been spacing out, looked at her friend with wide eyes.

“What was that? Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“What do you want to be for your party?”

“Hmm. I’ve kind of always wanted to be a robot, or maybe a space ranger!”

“Oh, my cute, darling Orihime,” Chizuru squealed as she rubbed up against her crush, “will wonders never cease at your vibrant imagination?”

Tatsuki got up to kick the lesbian in the head, and Hiyori quickly filled in her spot at the computer.

“How about we make Orihime a mermaid?” she suggested

“A mermaid?” Orihime said questioningly. “Why a mermaid?”

“Because seeing you in something sexier and more risqué would make me angry,” she muttered to herself, conveniently leaving out the part that she didn’t want to see Shinji all over Orihime. She cleared her throat and said clearly, “Mermaids are ‘cute.’ Just what a girl like you looks best in.”

“I don’t mind if we go for a mermaid look with Orihime, but it needs to be something sexy.” She scrolled down, glancing at a few pictures before finding the one she wanted. “Like this. It’s sexy but sensible. Just right for our little Orihime-chan.”

“Then shall we make Ichigo a pirate?” Momo asked excitedly.

“Nah,” Tatsuki waved her arm dismissively. “We should make him a beach bum.”

“And make him wear a scraggly beard,” Rangiku grinned.

“Like Uncle!” Rukia laughed, thinking of how annoyed Ichigo would be to have to dress up similarly to his father.

“We’ll give him a toy boat to carry around with him, too,” Tatsuki said, an evil glint in her eye. “One with a big hole in it.”

“I don’t want Kurosaki-kun to have to wear something he won’t like,” Orihime said softly, but with a firm voice.

“Silly girl,” Rangiku patted her shoulder, “Ichigo isn’t going to put an ounce of thought into what he’s wearing when he catches a glimpse of you in this.”


Rukia tugged on Renji’s braid and said evasively, “Why would you not what to be in outfits that match ours? Especially after the way we slaved at stores and on Tatsuki’s computer looking for the perfect costumes. And after knowing you so long, how would I not know your clothing sizes? Or at least a good estimate?”

Renji’s shoulders slumped in defeat, knowing that whatever he said would be thrown back at him. Rukia smiled knowingly and caressed his arm in a soothing manner when nobody was looking.

“Okay. Knowing all of this is great and all, but how the heck did my son and Orihime-san end up in their current states?”

“Well,” Ishida said, pushing his glasses up his nose, “the girls cornered us and told us we had to our costumes on at Tatsuki's house. Unfortunately, along the way Keigo accidentally sprained his arm—”

“I was pushed by this clumsy ba—!” Keigo started to point at Ikkaku but the man put a katana to his throat, effectively shutting him up.

“—so we went to my dad's hospital and got changed there while Keigo received proper treatment.”

“Ichigo wandered off after Orihime,” Renji said.

Isshin took a drink of his beer and asked, "How do you know he went after Orihime?"

"Nel told us so. And he headed off in the direction she went off in."

Isshin glanced at Nel and scooped her up in his arms.

“You cute little creature, you! I've been meaning to hug you all night. How about we adopt you? You're too adorable to be left alone!”

“I already decided I want to be Ichigo and Orihime's kid. I like Ichigo, and he likes Orihime, and I like Orihime, so they should get married. That way they can start making more babies, since I want little brothers and sisters.”

“I want grandbabies as much as you do, kid, but I think we should give them at least two more years. So what happened between my son and Inoue-san?”

“They were making babies in the elevator.”

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!” Renji's eyes went wide. “Do not remember you saying this!”

Isshin was in hysterics at the prospect of his son actually knowing what to do during intimacy.

“That's cuz I had to ask what kissing meant, and Glasses said kissing leads to babies.”

Ishida's eye twitched at the nickname as he cried indignantly, “That is not what happened!”


Everybody had either changed or was almost done adorning his or her costume. Nel, who had wandered away from Orihime, was looking for her and Ichigo. She spotted the two stepping into an elevator and would have called out had Ichigo not leaned over and quickly kissed Orihime on the lips. Her mouth formed a large "o" of wonder and she headed off to ask the first person she saw if kissing meant having babies (which is what Pesche and Dondochakka once told her).

The first target she happened upon was Ishida Uryuu, who was coming out of his father's private office looking none too pleased.

“Glassseeessss!” she called happily, ignoring his eye tick.

“What do you need, Nel-san?”

“Does kissing mean having babies?”

Ishida went beet red.

“Wh-what?” he sputtered. “I--kissing--you kiss people you love, and it
lead to having babies, but not always.”

“What if the two people already love each other very much? Does that mean they're really, really likely to make babies?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Okay!” she happily skipped her way down the otherwise empty hall.


“So Ichigo kissed Orihime in the elevator?” Rukia asked, clearly surprised. “Wow. I...I did not think he had it in him.”

“Neither did I,” Rangiku mused.

“You still haven't explained how Ichigo and Orihime ended up unconscious,” Isshin reminded.

Chad re-began telling the tale.

“They got stuck in an elevator.”

A few moments of silence passed before Isshin pressed, “And...?”

“They got out.”

“Oh-kay. How did they get out?”

“Orihime used her Shun Shun Rikka.”

“For the both of them?”


“How long were they stuck in the elevator?”

“Dunno. Maybe twenty or thirty minutes.”

“What happened after that?”

“We went to Inoue's house for her party.”

“What did you do there?”

“Partied for a few hours.”

“How were they knocked out?”

“They passed out. The first time.”

“They were drinking?”


“What happened the second time?”

“They knocked each other out.”

“Am I going to get more then a one-sentence answer out of you?”

“Probably not.”

“Gotcha. Anyone else wanna explain to me what happened at the party?”

This time Hiyori spoke.

“Your son is one sad drunk, old man.”

Isshin sighed and sighed miserably, “I know, I know. The boy can't hold his liquor too well, so he refused to drink at all.”

“She meant that literally," Lisa said absently, speaking up for the first time that night.

She'd been engrossed in the latest X-rated yaoi novel for the past few days and was almost done. As a joke to piss Ichigo off, she had wrapped most of the series up in a box and planned on mailing it to him anonymously, but she couldn't quite remember where she'd hidden the box...

“Eh? What do you mean by sad drunk?”

“And masochist,” Shinji laughed. “Don't forget that one.”


Ichigo, tears streaking down his face, guzzled down another cup of sake. He stood wobbly and walked--well, sort of--in no particular direction. His face was masking in sorrow and he tormentedly told everyone how sorry he was for ruining their lives.

“Renji! Ah God, Renji!” he wailed. “I beat you up so many times. I feel so bad! And your captain too. He was such a jerk to his sister. But it wasn't her fault! It was mine! Everything was my fault. I—I,” he heaved a deep breath and broke down sobbing again and incoherently trying to tell everyone how sorry he was.

“Ichigo, you idiot, calm down!” Rukia said, slapping him straight across the face.

“Do it again!” he slurred. “I deserve all the punishment you can give me!” He twirled around to face everyone, arms flying everywhere, and nearly lost his balance. “Everyone! Beat me!” He got down on his hands and knees. “I'm at your mercy! It's the only way to pay for my sins!”

Rangiku calmly handed him another cup of sake and Ichigo, upon drinking the cup, curled into himself and again was reduced to a sobbing mess.

“Chizuru's molesting Orihime, and Tatsuki isn't there to protect her,” the blonde said innocently.

“Huh-whuh? Inoue?” He blinked his red, watery eyes slowly. “Where's Inoue?” His face began to crumble again. “I couldn't protect her... I couldn't protect anybody! And I beat them all up! Ah God, Renji! I feel so bad!”

“Forget about the past. You can protect her
. That's all that matters.”

She pat his head and like a re-energized battery, Ichigo was up with a determined expression on his face.

“Inoue!” he called and tripped over a pillow. “I'm coming...I'm coming to save you!”

Rangiku watched him stumble away and laughed evilly as she looked over at Orihime, who was already passed out with a smile on her face. The poor girl couldn't hold her liquor at all.


“You still haven't told me how that,” Isshin gestured upward, "happened. Did my son knock himself out?

“Nah,” Tatsuki laughed, “Orihime did.”

“Inoue-san?” Isshin said, a slow grin forming across his lips.


After stumbling about for an hour, Ichigo fell flat on his face. He'd tripped over the same pillow that he'd been tripping over every time he walked through the living room. Which was about every five minutes. But this time, Ichigo stayed on the ground, his body too exhausted to continue. He fell asleep for a few minutes before his watery, blurred vision focused on a honey-haired mound lying beside him. He blinked a few times before recognizing Orihime.

As if re-energized for the second time that night, Ichigo scooted closer to the girl and leaned over her, ready to press a wet, sloppy kiss to her cheek because he was so happy he'd found her.

“INOUE!” he cried enthusiastically.

A few groans from nearby persons who were trying to get some sleep sounded throughout the living room.

They were followed by a big SMACK/CRACK and a thud.

Orihime, who had heard her name being so desperately called out by the man she loved, had immediately sat up to reassure Ichigo that she was just fine. Her head smacked into something hard, and Orihime sleepily rubbed her head and looked over to see Ichigo lying beside her. Smiling happily she snuggled closer to Ichigo, unmindful of the fact that normally this situation would be terribly uncharacteristic of the both of them. She was back asleep in seconds.


“Rukia and I heard some noises from the living room, so we went to investigate,” Renji said, glancing at his beloved. “Ichigo's forehead was bleeding and Orihime had a large bruise on hers, so we knew they must have smacked into each other somehow.”

“Almost everybody was asleep,” Ishida interjected, “and we couldn't find Orihime's medical kit, so we brought them here to use your supplies. Anyone who was left awake came with us.”

“Huh. So that's what happened, eh?” Isshin reclined in a chair and was silently thoughtful for a moment. “They'll probably wake up in an hour or so. ...Anyone up to helping me put them in an embarrassing position?”


Ichigo woke up to a stiff neck, aching shoulders, and drool caked to the side of his mouth and chin. He moaned softly and rolled over to make himself more comfortable, but he was startled when he rolled onto soft, warm flesh that immediately grunted at the sudden impact. “Inoue?” he asked, loudly, and immediately regret it when his head exploded in pain.

“Kurosaki...kun?” she answered back, still a bit disoriented.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and glanced at Ichigo. She was appalled to see him in such a worn down state so she called out Ayame and Shuno to heal them. Three seconds later the fairies and the warm, golden glow that had encased the couple disappeared.

“Thanks for that.” Ichigo rubbed his jaw. “I feel so much better now.” He was wide-awake enough to also notice how close he and his newly acquired girlfriend were. “Uh…” Since he tended to not function at his very best when the lovely young woman was close to him, he tried to scoot away as fast as possible.

As he shifted, he noticed a strap of her blue halter top was being tugged along. Upon further inspection he saw that his shirtsleeve was sewed meticulously to her halter top strap, and his other sleeve was sewed to the fish scales on her skirt-fin.

There was only one person who could sew like this…

He drew in a large breath and was about to bellow out Ishida’s name when Orihime’s curious voice disrupted his thoughts.

“Hey, what’s that?”

She was looking over his shoulder at a fairly large square package resting atop the stand behind his desk.

Ichigo’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

“I have no idea.”

Orihime reached up before Ichigo could tell her to be careful, and her already loose strap fell down unnoticed. Ichigo’s throat seized up and he quickly looked away, though the image of her naked breast was forever burned into his retinas and would keep him awake for long nights to come.

She happily sat up, crossed her legs Indian-style, and carefully opened the package. “It says here on this card that it’s from an anonymous donor, dedicated to you because you seem to really need what’s in here.” Her eyes widened when she looked deeper into the package.

She stared at it rigidly for so long that Ichigo carefully sat up so he wouldn’t be able to see Orihime’s still unnoticed nakedness, but rather the insides contents of his package. He too went still and stared disbelievingly at its contents.

“Is that…p…porn?”

Orihime said nothing and looked up at Ichigo, face red as a tomato. He picked one of the X-rated movies up, still not quite believing what he was seeing, and inspected both sides of it as if doing that would help him establish that he was really staring at a porno and not some hallucination.

“ICHIGO!” Isshin yelled loudly as he slammed the door open. He spread his arms wide in a welcoming, happy gesture. “Daddy’s here and you’re finally awake—” He stopped short and noticed Orihime’s top halfway down, his son holding a movie, and finally a large box of pornographic materials including movies, books, and magazines. “Well,” he cleared his throat, his own cheeks heating, and made sure to fold his arms and say in a responsible voice, “I’ll make my leave now. I, uh, I’ll also have everyone in the house clear out and give you two love birds some ‘alone time.’” With that he made a hasty exit.

Ichigo slowly put the movie back into the box, carefully shut it, and set it down on his bed table.

“Um. Kurosaki-kun?”


“Why is your shirt sewed to my…top?”


Thirty years from now kids would be talking about the popular high school myth. It was said that on Halloween night, if you kissed your love interest in an elevator, partied with your friends until three in the morning while wearing a costume complimenting your crush, and were all in a small town, then the threads of fate would tie you together.

Lots of babies would be made that night, too, apparently.